Talking Points
- Judy Osborne is an expert on the issues faced by separating and separated parents. She is available to discuss the following topics, all of which are addressed in Wisdom for Separated Parents.
- For separated parents, divorce does not have to mean “unhappily ever after.” Years of research revealed in Wisdom for Separated Parents point to five factors that are key in determining whether separated parents can successfully “rearrange” their relationship for their children. What are those five factors?
- As the Baby Boomers came of age, they redefined the concept of family with approximately 50% of their relationships ending in divorce, leaving nearly one million children in “broken” homes. This year, the first wave of Boomers turns 65. As their children have children, how are long-separated or divorced members of the Baby Boom generation handling the role of grandparent?
- In the 1960s and 70s, when parents began separating in large numbers, experts urged that they minimize contact with one another for fear of “confusing” their children. As we assess the successful (and less successful) approaches adopted by long-separated parents, how are the views of therapists and experts changing? What kind of advice are experts giving separating parents today?
- In previous decades, most separated gay parents had split from a heterosexual partner after coming out. Today, separated gay parents include those who’ve had children with a same-sex partner. How is this new generation of separated gay parents coping with the issues of co-parenting? How are their issues different from those of separated gay parents in the past?
- “Staying together for the children”: Good or bad? Decades of research and anecdotal information suggest that this may not always be beneficial. When is separation better for kids?
- Why is it important to use new language about separation and divorce?
- The new language puts children in the center. “Untangling,” “rearranging,” and “kin,” are more useful and accurate words. The new language supports transition, not division.
- Who should read this book? Boomers who separated have lived this history and may now be reflecting on long-ago choices. Parents considering separation now will find wisdom and models as they make crucial decisions. Professionals (teachers, therapists, researchers) will find stories that fill out theory with the jargon-free language of real relationships.
- Why did you write this book? I have often presented seminars about separation and divorce. People would talk deeply about the pains of separation. Would the pain last forever? It did not feel very helpful to say “Things may be very different in three years.” But I knew from personal and professional experience, that things would change. After one seminar a colleague and I wondered how to tell the stories that we knew. She said, “That’s a book.” And so the project began. In 2006 I began to interview more than 50 men and women, gay and straight. I am so grateful for everyone who was willing to tell me their stories, to go back into their histories and remember with me. I began to form ideas about a new language for separation and to make children central in the notion of kinship.